The efficiency of CLICKOLDING
Click faster, but not that fast
Every time I’ve felt a flash of anxiety over the last week, I’ve had to internally check on whether it was because I was remembering a bad family visit or if it was my experience playing Clickolding. It’s a very short narrative game that made a splash in the summer of 2024, a time that now seems as far away as the pandemic, which is to say: two months ago somehow (kill me!). You play in the first-person perspective of an unnamed character who goes through the beats of an anonymous sexual encounter with an ashamed man who can’t show his real face to you. The one twist on this is that you’re not having sex – you’re clicking a handheld clicker-counter. This quirk is absolutely brilliant, as it is both morbidly funny and gives the creators license to really go whole-hog (sorry) with creating an authentic experience with minimal risk for triggering people. I do say minimal risk and not no risk because, again, this is a bang on (sorry again) interpretation of a paid, shame-laced sex-time, not to mention the smidge of suicide that it mounts (triple sorry) on top of everything. The intensity and effectiveness of a game this short is such an efficient use of time and I wish more games would take note, especially considering how hard up (truly so sorry) I am for time in our content-ridden hellscape we call The Future.
I really do wish other games would take note. Most RPGs are the length of 8 seasons of an HBO show, and rarely do they make more than an emotional dent on my shockingly sensitive heart (trailers to bad games can make me cry, such as the Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life remake). Meanwhile, Clickolding says “hold my beer” and spends half the time of a White Lotus episode to make me take a walk around the block. How about instead of spending thirty hours organically saying why a boat with human legs is normal in your fantasy world, you cut to the chase?
Part of the reason that Clickolding is so successful is that it’s not bothering with more setup than is strictly necessary. The game starts in a dark room with very unsettling eyes looking at you, the light turns on, you’re told why your character needs to be there, and you are off to the races. Everything about the game other than the clicker is a one-to-one recreation of an uncomfortable one-night-stand, ranging from The Man’s wolf-like stare to his constant requests for you to do things that will make this better for him, to him disingenuously asking if it’s working for you too. Just enough is altered to make the game funny enough for you to keep going, such as the time The Man asks you to find a way to unlock the hotel bathroom, or to click while looking at a painting.
What makes this a complete experience rather than an edgy experiment is that The Man isn’t just a one-dimensional creep. He has moments of true vulnerability, seeking connection by describing his kids’ ages and how he feels like he can never really be himself due to this need to click. I won’t say the ending (it’s three dollars and thirty minutes, go play it), but he never will feel that self-acceptance that he yearns for, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to take care of yourself and make sure you don’t do anything that will set off this sad weirdo, something that many writers have said to themselves when peer-reviewing my work.
We have so little time on this earth, get on with it and say what you want to say, no matter how hard (not sorry this time) it is.
Be Nice
Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life - You know what, I already stepped in this one, let’s do it. The Gamecube entry of the long-running farm management series that inspired the perfect Stardew Valley, this time focusing on your children actually growing up instead of staying the same age forever. The modern remake on Switch is called Story of Seasons instead of Harvest Moon due to an IP issue during an old studio split.
Why it didn’t work for me: Everything takes forever. As opposed to most other life management sims, which are so crammed with things to do that they run the risk of becoming anxious, this game had almost nothing to do each day other than walk around. I would call this the only actual walking simulator, since What Remains of Edith Finch actually featured people talking. For a game about parenting, it shockingly disrespects your time.
Why it might work for you: If cozy games are a helpful method to you for managing anxiety, AND you’re not yet a parent, you might like this. It takes “chill” to the next level and also it seems like the actual child raising has beautiful, moving elements of it. I couldn’t stick around long enough to find out, but as we’ve established, the trailer did make me cry.
Oh, Good
Wanderstop: Stop making so many games I want to play, for the love of God. This is about a hero who gets so burned out that she needs to spend time farming and doing life stuff – ah, I see why Harvest Moon was on my mind. Created by a studio made of stellar artists, including the writer of The Stanley Parable, I am frothing at the mouth to play this. I wanted to play Clair Obscur after Monster Hunter, but this might just insert itself (sorry again this time!) instead.